Busy Week

I've been fisted and fucked so rough in the last four days that my cunt is raw and seriously torn up. Hurts to sit. So swollen.

Mr. Bricks is very long and he often hurts me after a long session. I've bled the next day and swear that once or twice he's popped my cervix. On Wednesday, we did 69 with him on top (my favorite way) so he could fuck my mouth; I stretched my head back and was able to open my throat enough to take all of him. He started crying out with joy. It was the best!

Mr. Squirts is my BF in the open marriage, and he almost always makes me squirt... saw him on Thursday. Him and the wife and the kid are staying with his parents right now; his parents and his daughter were asleep upstairs and we fucked for hours in the den. It was like being a kid again, sneaking around! I fell asleep and he woke me up fisting me, saying "shh... just relax... just relax..." Also, I'd helped them run errands that day, so he gave me a full body massage... mmm...

Daddy T tore my pussy apart with more fisting and rough sex on Friday. Clothespins on my nipples, tits, and outer labia. There was also lots of fun Daddy/daughter role play and dirty talk. We finished in the shower with him sitting on the tiled seat and me standing over him, pissing all over his face and torso and lap. Then lots of rough oral with his fingers in my hair bobbing my head up and down. I went to a party and he went to play poker, and I came home at 3:30AM to him sitting on my porch waiting for me. We went inside and passed out, and I woke up an hour or so later to him licking my asshole fervently with my dirty panties wrapped around his dick, jacking himself off. I woke him up this morning riding him, even though it hurt so bad; then got myself off with my vibe while he choked me and talked nasty.

That's not even the half of it.

Overstimulated

Had a crazy night with Daddy T last Sunday. We were drinking a lot and I got a little too fucked up, so laid down to nap around 2AM. Woke up because he was fucking my cunt with a thick, coiled bundle of braided nylon rope, slightly smaller than his fist. We fooled around, our usual fun nasty talk, kissing, slapping around.

He tied my hands behind my back with the rope - which I haven't let anyone do to me in YEARS (trust issues). He put me on my back and ate me out. As I was grinding on his face it was pulling hard on my shoulder blades and smooshing my hands painfully. He flipped me over on my stomach, hands still tied behind my back, and fucked my ass hard.

I managed to squirm out of the loosened ropes and then went down on him. Earlier in the night, he'd admitted that one of his fantasies is forced oral so hard the girl throws up on him. My stomach was full of Vodka 'n Sprites, so I knew it wouldn't be messy and so went for it. He moaned, thinking I was being just drooly and spitty, and then the smell hit him and he realized what it was... I asked if he was okay with it, he enthusiastically said "YES" and so I came up on his cock and lap four or five more times. Sometimes he was forcing me down and sometimes I was. It was so cool to feel his cock head pop past my tonsils and way down into my throat. Made a mess of him, the sheets, my hair. So we went into the shower.

In the shower, I had to piss so he sat down on this little tiled seat we have in there and I stood next to him, putting my left foot up on the edge of the tub, and pissed all over his chest and lap while he finger banged me. One of our faves, and we've done that several times.

He stood up and pushed me down onto my knees under the spray of the shower head and gave me really rough oral under the water... it was going down my throat and nose, and totally drowning me around his cock. Kept having to spit up water and blow it out my nose, all while he's still fucking my face. He pulled out and came in my wet hair. Then showered me off, like a sweet daddy.

It was so much stuff that I wouldn't normally let someone to do me in such a short period of time, than I got a little freaked out. We changed the sheets and flipped the mattress, and then laid in bed twitching under the Xmas lights, not letting him hold me; he was just lying near me rubbing my ass with his fingers.

It totally mind fucked me.

Lunch Hour

My doorbell rang, and I open the door. Daddy T bursts in with a bandana around his face, slams the door, grabs a fistful of hair, and literally drags me to my bedroom. Proceeds to beat and rape me for the next hour, to the point where I was shaking and sobbing and apologizing and begging forgiveness. Partly because he was saying the cruelest things to me ever. Being so mean he was breaking my heart!

Pushing me around, hard hard hard slapping across the face, pinning me on the bed, pounding my ass with a dildo, skull fucking me; spitting all over my face, making me spit on his cock, using his cock to smear the drool and spit all over my face. Pushing me down on my belly, putting his full weight on top of me, fucking me hard in the cunt while choking me, spitting in my face, saying the most horrible things.

Grabbing my hair, shoving his sweaty ass crack in my face and forcing me to lick his asshole, while telling me what a disgusting worthless whore I am, and I'm crying and crying and crying.

My new daddy

This new guy I'm seeing is out of this world nasty, dirty, disgusting; and it's the best thing ever. Our paired sexual chemistry is like none other. We're very intuitive about each other's sexual needs: I knew to call him "daddy" and he knew to choke me in response.

He'd apparently been lusting after me for weeks before working up the nerve to make contact, and his eagerness and excitement are such an ego boost. Every time he's come over, we end up spending 24 hours in bed; we just can't leave.

The last time he was over he kept me in my room, drinking and drinking and drinking until I was begging to piss. He started talking dirty and turned me on so much that I had to ride him, full bladder or not. I was feeling so sensitive, and squeezing around him so hard, trying not to piss all over him and the bed, it was the single best orgasm I've had in months. To the point where now I'm now considering only fucking when I have to pee.

After I stopped shaking, he took me to the bathroom, stripped us naked, and sat on the tiled ledge in my shower stall; he made me stand over him and commanded me to piss - all over his chest and lap, fingering me during and saying sweet, dirty things. I just kept pissing and pissing, for the longest damn time. When I was finally done, fell on my knees and put my head in his lap to lick him clean and suck him off, getting my face and hair all wet. He turned on the shower, stood up, and put me kneeling under the spray, where he face fucked me harshly with the water going in my mouth and nostrils.

I've done water sports before, but this was the first time it was truly hot to me.

Double Duty

Spent two nights in a row with The Captain last week, and we've moved from just rough sex into more S&M.

The first night, he started things off with a good, long flogging while I was bent over his bed. Full, hard thudding blows, and wrist-flicking strikes that sting. Hitting my back, shoulders, arms, thighs, calves, and of course my ass. My ass, my ass, my ass, until it was burning and hot. Attacking my palms and the bottoms of my feet until I was begging him to stop. Beating me until I was pressing my face into his mattress, inhaling the smell of him, and sobbing. For an hour, until I finally stood up, arms and legs shaking, and said, "please, please, no." Then he came up behind me, put his arms around me, and kissed the tears running across my cheeks and neck. And then, of course, fucking me until my eyes rolled back in my head. Fucking me in the ass so good it felt the top of my skull was going to blow off.

Later that same night, he flogged me again. Harder, mostly on my ass, while I was lying on the bed on my stomach. I was already so sore, and he did it hard enough and long enough that I started to zone out from the pain. The endorphins kicked in so much that I got drowsy and almost nodded off. So relaxed and so happy.

The next night, he flogged me even worse (because I'd asked him to). Again, bent over his bed, I was screaming into his mattress at the top of my lungs. Now, knowing my body better and how it can take a flogging, what kind of strikes don't bother me too bad and which ones I can barely tolerate (the flicking, stinging ones), he was able to really hurt me. Again he held me, from behind, when I'd had enough, then pushed me on the bed, on my knees, and fucked me while I was still weeping and shaking.

I slept over that night. We joked around, talked, and laughed a lot before going to bed. I nestled against him, with him arm around me, while sleeping. The next morning his alarm went off and while still half-asleep I felt him reach over, turn off the alarm, turn back and lean over me for a few seconds. Then he kissed me carefully on the lips and laid back down to doze off for a bit.

This sentimentality from him doesn't alarm me like it normally would because I know he's fucking other girls and that he doesn't want anything from me, except those hours we have together. And he knows I don't want anything from him, except those hours together. Maybe that's why it works, and we can be so affectionate together and compassionate to each other, because we know that neither of us owns the other.

Also, this past weekend, went on a date with an older male dominant and his young female submissive. That was an interesting dynamic. Seems like it'd be something where she and I were both submissive to him, but I was dominant over her. Although, I can tell that I'm definitely more sadistic than he is, and she might not realize what she'd be getting herself into. If I were to join a BDSM couple (man and woman), thinking I'd enjoy it more if the female and I were equals and dominant over the man. But at the same time, I'd love to be used like a whore by two men. Weird, huh?

Under the Weather

I've been so sick the past week with an allergy-induced head cold, and in an all-around shitty mood. Yesterday, starting to feel a little better, I realized my bad temper probably had more to do with not getting laid in five days and less with being sick. So, The Artist treated me to a great afternoon romp when I came home early from work.

He started off with kisses on my lips, face and neck, his hands cradling my face, and then got me off with his fingers and tongue. And then again. And then almost a third time, but it was one of those really deep inner cunt orgasms that just go on and on and never quite peak. He could tell I was primed, and started rolling me back and forth - belly and back - whacking my ass and smacking my tits around. With me on my back, he fucked my tits. I licked the cock head every time it emerged, and loved feeling his balls pressed hard against my belly. He slid down and fucked my cunt, kissing my mouth, putting his arms around me, and made me come again. I blew him, unable to take him all the way in because my throat is still sore as all hell, and then watched him jerk off until he came on my face.

I love the look on his face when he calls me his "little whore." A look like he knows he owns me. I'm a feminist, daughter of a feminist, and a dues-paying member of the National Organization for Women, but I love a man who knows he's a man. A man who relishes his masculinity in a pure way, without any misogyny. He respects his woman and can be kind and generous, but knows how to make a woman feel possessed and feel like his woman. Make any sense?

Things are starting to look hopeful on the Girlfriend Search. Chatting up a cute, chubby thing on a BDSM dating site. We have a lot in common, including our relationship situations (i.e. her partner is okay with her having an outside female sex buddy). Keeping fingers crossed.

Highlights of the Last Month

The Artist had me collared, blind-folded, wrists cuffed behind my back, and bent over a table in his studio while he beat my ass with a crop. Strangely, the first time I've allowed myself to be blindfolded or have my hands restrained; I've just never trusted someone enough before. Terrifying and lovely. When he was done beating me and tossing me around, he propped me up on a chair and ate me out.

Many, many wonderful blowjobs with his fingers in my hair, his hands pushing my head down further and faster, his stomach muscles clenching against my cheek, his sexy voice calling me his filthy whore and telling me to choke on his dick. Telling me to lick his asshole while jerking him off, his balls flopping against my eyes and nose. God, I love that sound in his voice when I take him down my throat, and his glee when he told me to take him all in and then try to lick his balls and I was able to do it.

Telling him over drinks at a bar that getting fucked in the ass is more intimate than the cunt. That any idiot can fuck me in the cunt and do me no harm, but I need to trust and like a man to let him take my ass and know that he'll do it right. That night he fucked my ass for the first time, making me come and telling me (to my absolute delight) that he went easy on me and will "really go at it" next time.

The Artist asking me not to date other men and me agreeing. He's amused with how sexual I am, though, and wants me to have girlfriends. Not for a three-way, not for us, just for me. Bless his heart.

Frustrated

The Hippie finally came through as a top. He had me tied up and sobbing last night, and there are still welts on my ass, red marks across my throat, and bruises in the shape of bite-marks on my tits. Some deep-dicking would've ended it perfectly, but that didn't happen. Just my luck: in order to get what I've been missing, I have to miss what I've been getting. What's up with that?

I'm getting a little scared of myself because I'm never completely sated, and I'm not sure exactly what it is that I need. I know that more and more often I'm wanting something soft and sweet and tender and that I have no interest in that from a man, so I want a girlfriend and some serious queening time. Also, I want a really aggressive man. No top or bottom, no roles, just me and him beating the shit out of each other until we're sweaty, drooling, and panting like dogs, then he pins me down, shoves his fist in my mouth, and fucks me bow-legged. Okay people, make it happen. Chop chop.

I am a Porche

The Pimp Daddy is in his 40s and in the last twenty years has had the craziest kinky experiences. Things I can only dream of doing. That's why he's The Pimp Daddy, my sex god. He laughs when I say I worship him, but I really do.

The first time we meet, he takes me out to dinner and we end up in his car making out. The chemistry is intense: he's so very Dominant and makes me feel terrifyingly submissive. Most times submitting, I'm still concerned with getting myself off, but with him my focus is solely his enjoyment. Kissing, he grabs my hair in a tight fist and yanks my head back; I groan and melt and when he says "Oh, yes" I know I'd do anything he wants. He gets me off with his hand: his fingers hooked painfully inside me, his palm cupping my cunt like he owns it. Afterwards, he puts my head on his chest and kisses my forehead, almost paternal. He's the perfect blend of torture and tenderness, inflicting pain and showing appreciation. He's paranoid and won't let me get him off there in the parking lot, and I go home feeling guilty.

The next time we get together, he comes over my house. His schedule is so busy and he only has a few hours. He's had a very stressful week and seriously needs some relief. He uses a flogger on me and a wartenberg wheel, but I spend most of the time with him in my mouth. He deserves it. He's lying on his back and I'm curled up at his right hip, the left side of my face resting on his stomach, my right hand cupping him and holding him to my mouth. I'd bragged about my oral skills and after a while he says, "You weren't kidding."

I tell him how The Husband didn't take full advantage of me, a woman willing to try almost any kink and down for sex whenever, and he says "That's like owning a Porche and never driving it over 55 miles an hour." I laugh my ass off, being compared to a sports car, and later when I tell my best friend she says, "Yeah that's a compliment. Do you know how much a Porche costs?"

Electric Sex

The Hippie was my first lover after The Husband moved out. He is the one who did the great service of fucking my ass four times in one night (sweet, sweet man!), the first time I'd had sex since my marriage ended and the first time I'd gotten anal in years. He's supposedly a top, but mainly wants to dictate positions and acts, and - believe it or not - there's more to topping than that. He's wonderfully kinky though, and introduced me to cupping, dilator sounds, and electrosex. He's really the only one I spend time with doing other things, like watching movies, going out to dinner, surfing for porn on the web, etc.

I hated the electricity the first time, but loved it the second and am a big fan now. He has two insertables, one butt plug and a dildo for my puss, that can be wired up to a TENS unit (but his is larger with various manual settings, dials and knobs and what-all; hell, there were things shoved in my ass and cunt, I didn't pay that much attention to it). He could change the voltage, speed, and pulse; sometimes it was waves, moving up and down along the toys, sometimes very prickly, like the things inside were covered in spikes, and once he had the charge move in a loop from the toy in my pussy to the one in my ass. My muscles inside started to contract, a rapid sqeeze and release, and it honestly felt like I was being fucked hard. The contractions got so intense, the muscles sqeezing so hard, that I actually shot the one out of my cunt. Needless to say, I was literally clawing up the wall behind me.

Greatest. Sex game. Ever.

Playing Both Sides

In BDSM terms, I am a switch. Almost a "true switch," in fact, meaning that I take equal enjoyment from both Dominating and submitting. Deep down though, I prefer being submissive and am more turned on by the loss of control than the command of it. If I had to choose only one role for the rest of my life, it would definitely be submissiveness. In either role, the emotional connection and mental aspect of the power exchange is what's most important to me.

For a long time, my main interest in submitting was mainly behaviorial and mental D/s and your basic rough sex. With time and opportunity, I've developed a greater enjoyment of bondage and masochism. In fact, I haven't yet found a Dom who would/could hurt me as much as I'd like. I need to find a Dominant Sadist who'll hurt me to the point (and beyond) of tears. I really want to explore my pain limits, and would even be willing to try play peircing, cutting, and branding (someday, in a committed, monogamous relationship; it's not smart to let blood fly around in a casual encounter).

Understanding my subself is what makes me a good Dominant (which is more about attitude and demeanor than the toys): I have been in that submissive position, gone through those same tortures, and so can empathize with and better appreciate what my submissive partner is experiencing.

As a Dominant (or Domme), I'm a sadist. Almost more than anything else, I enjoy inflicting pain on a masochist sub, watching them endure and suffer in their eagerness to please and knowing that it is cathartic for them. Whimpers, grunts, and hisses from the pain are aphrodisiacs to me. Is really is a high to have so much control over a person, to have them trust me so much they'd allow me to restrain them and hurt him, that they'd literally put their body in my hands. How could I not care about and appreciate someone (especially a man) brave enough to be powerless to me? How could I not take care of them? So mixed in with the infliction of pain are reassuring words, tender touches and kisses. I've been told that I'm "merciless but not cruel," and it's obvious that I care. It shouldn't be any other way.